The Drunken Mexican Weight Loss Program

Yep. That’s gonna be the name of my new book. I can’t give away all the deets now because I don’t want to cut into my profit margin from said book, but here’s the gist of it:

LOTS of laying around on the beach or by the pool. This is the warm-up for your day. You should start no later than 10:00 a.m. and continue to warm up for a minimum of four hours. Breaks are okay. This is a very strenuous activity, so you will need to get in the water about once an hour to cool off. And remember–hydration is key. The beach/bar wait staff also seem to know how important this is as they never have to be reminded to keep ’em coming. They have your best interest at heart.

After you have warmed up sufficiently, it’s best to recharge before you jump right into anything else. You wouldn’t want to hurt yourself. It’s at this point that you should shower and take a nap. Two hours is plenty. If you let yourself cool down too much, you run the risk of having to warm up all over again.

Now you’re ready to refuel. This is a very important part of the program. Eat whatever you want in riduculously large amounts. And don’t forget dessert. Calories don’t count in Mexico. I suspect there is some sort of calorie-negating substance in their beer, but I have not yet done the scientific studies to confirm this. For now, it is just a hypothesis.

As you are refueling, don’t forget to continue the hydration. At this point it’s time to vamp it up a little bit. In addition to the steady flow of liquids, I suggest adding in at least one shot of a more potent liquid whenever you feel the urge. Listen to your body. It knows what’s best.

And now for the physical activity. DANCING. Lots and lots of dancing. For some reason, the level of your dancing skill is directly proportional to your level of hydration. Feeling a little awkward on the dance floor? Have another round. It’ll clear those inhibitions right up!

At the end of a successful first week of The Drunken Mexican Weight Loss Program, you should have lost a total of 1.5 lbs. At least that’s what initial studies and my bathroom scales have shown. Please feel free to do a study of your own and report back to me with the findings.

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