Highs and Lows

High – Going to FL.
Low – Getting a phone call from mother-in-law the Thursday we were in FL with some very shocking news.
High – Long run in FL of 11 miles at 11:05 pace.
Low – Chafing between my ass cheeks during that run.
Low – Coming home.
High – Seeing my critters.
Low – Finding out more details on the shocking news that my MIL called about.
High – Memorial Day with the family.
Low – Father-in-law lost his job after 41 years with the same company.
Lower than low – Realizing (again) that people are evil.  They will do or say anything if they think they have something to gain from it, no matter how much of a LIE it is or how much it will make someone else suffer.
Even lower than that – Realizing how truly effed up our justice system is.  Innocent until proven guilty, my ass.
Low – Going back to work after 10 days away.
High – At least I have a job to go back to.
High – Set a new 3-mile PR.
High – Set a new 6-mile PR.
Low – Couldn’t hack it during my scheduled 13-mile long run today.  Cut it to 10 miles and walked the last two of those.  Stress?  Lack of sleep?  Dehydration?  81 and no shade?  Probably all of the above.
Low – Chafed arm pits.

I’m really struggling right now.  Not with the running.  Screw the running.  This was one bad day.  We all have them.  I ran strong during my midweek runs.  Next weekend will be better.  I’m struggling emotionally.  I hate seeing the people I love hurting.  I hate the fact that it’s so senseless.  I hate the fact that we live in such a litigious society.  I hate people that want something for nothing and will do whatever they can to try to get it.  I hate the fact that our judicial system caters to these people.  I hate the fact that I’m so weak that I’ve let these people get to me the way they have.  I hate that I’m struggling with my faith right now.  As a Christian, I know I’m supposed to pray for my enemies, and I hate that I’m not strong enough to do that.  Well, I’ve DONE it, but come on, this is God we’re talking about.  He knows I didn’t mean it.  He knows what I really feel in my heart, and He knows that it’s nothing but pure and raw hatred.

I keep telling myself, “God’ll get ’em.”  But how wrong is it that I want a front-row seat when he does?

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9 thoughts on “Highs and Lows

  1. I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I know this might not help but everything happens for a reason. The best you can do is learn from it and help others through it. I hope things start to feel better!

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  2. Glad I found your blog. God doesn't care that you didn't mean it –He fills in the gaps. He doesn't need our prayers and devotion, we do. He just wants you to do what you can and He provides the rest. Sometimes slow and sometimes fast… I could go on and on, but you already know this. Take care.

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  3. Hi Pam,
    I wish I had something to say to cheer you up. I know how it is to have those crappy days where nothing seems right! I am sorry to hear about your father in-law and his job loss. Tomorrow is another day…hopefully things will get better. Love and hugs:)

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  4. Yeah…Mom told me what happened. I know this means approximately shit now, but don't worry. Those kinds of people always get their come-uppance.

    I wore a dress all day yesterday. Therefore, there was no fabric between my legs. I'm fat. Therefore, my thighs rub together when I walk. Chaaaaaafe city.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear that all of this has happened to you lately. Don't get down on yourself or others though. As the old saying goes, “This too shall pass.” I've got you in my thoughts and prayers.

    PS – Remember the even older saying, “Karma is a bigger bitch than you could ever be.”

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