Is it Killing Me or Making Me Stronger? I’m Pretty Sure it’s the Former.

I’m trying so very, very hard to stay positive and not let the situation wear me down, but it’s getting harder and harder every day.

My job is gonna kill me, y’all.  We’ve already established that I’m very Type A, and everything is just so unstable and unpredictable right now.  That doesn’t bode well with an extreme Type A.  It would be easier to tell this story if I could give specifics, but my company forbids anyone post anything about it in any type of social media, so I have to speak very generally…

I’ve mentioned before that I’m in a different office on a detail assignment right now.  The position I’m filling in for is technically vacant, and it’s one that I want so bad that I can taste it.  Well, if I had it MY way, I’d stay in MY office, but that is no longer an option.  That full-time job is going away soon, so like it or not I have to go somewhere.  And since I have to go somewhere, I would LIKE for it to be this office.  I’ve been under the impression for a while that the vacancy was going to be posted this fall, and I assumed it would be at the same time as all the other vacant offices.  Well, the first round of postings  goes up on Tuesday, and this office is not scheduled to be on there.  It won’t be posted until later.  Possibly as late as 2014.  I’m so freaking scared.  I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  This office is my first choice, being as it’s close to home, but I can’t NOT put in for these other offices that are posted in the meantime.  If I don’t apply for them and then I DON’T get this office when it’s posted down the road, I’m pretty much just fucked.  But if I do put in for those offices and get one of them, they[ll probably consider me “placed” and not even consider me for another transfer when this office is posted.  At least not until the dust has settled after the looming September 2014 date when everyone has to be placed, cut back to part-time, or separated.

The absolute worst part is that all but one of these offices up for bid now are out of the daily driveable range.  Meaning I would have to move.  Get an apartment, go to work through the week, and come home on the weekends.  The thought of that is tearing me up inside.

And if all of that going on right now isn’t enough, throw a huge nationwide audit on top of it.  Yep.  Every year or two, a nationwide two- or four-week audit of the delivery routes goes down.  Those weeks are always super stressful even when nothing else is going on.  When you add that onto everything else that is going on, it’s a fucking miracle any of us have any sanity left.  So in the next few weeks I’ll be dealing with that audit, applying for jobs that I don’t want but have to have in order to stay employed full-time, potentially going asshole deep in debt because we are still in the process of trying to buy the body shop my husband manages, and depending on whether or not I am awarded one of those jobs, maybe moving away from my home and my little family.  Oh and then there’s this little marathon thing I’m training for…

So if you find me sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth and blowing spit bubbles, now you’ll know why.

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5 thoughts on “Is it Killing Me or Making Me Stronger? I’m Pretty Sure it’s the Former.

  1. Oh Pam, that sounds so stressful. I've been in a similar (yet not nearly as stressful) situation before. Had to decide whether or not to apply for a job I didn't want because the job I did want wasn't open yet and the job I was in was no longer mine (replaced me even though I had nowhere to go…wonderful). I ended up applying for and not getting the job I didn't want and got the job I did want 6 months later. So it all kind of worked out for me… which doesn't really help you at all…

    I guess what I'm trying to say is have you considered not applying for the jobs you don't want? I know that's probably a really scary idea, and might not be the right choice. But it sounds like you would really not enjoy life if you got one. I would also bet you have a pretty good chance of getting the job you're already doing. Is there anyone you can talk to about your odds of getting the job you're working now?

    Whatever you do will be the right choice. I'll be thinking of you and hoping something helps bring some peace and stability into your life. This just sounds so not fun!!

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  2. Aww man. I know how it is to have to apply for something because it's there just to get it but not really want it… since that is how it works… but that totally sucks. Keep us posted, especially on how you are feeling and what we can do to make you feel better!!!!

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  3. Sorry you're feeling stressed lady! Trust me…stress is a killer though. I hope you can find either an alternative to applying for a job you don't want or something else comes up to save the day.

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